Divorces are incredibly painful. They affect people’s parenting, finances, social life and emotional well-being. And yet, divorces are incredibly optimistic. They are an unhappy person’s commitment to the idea that with time, hard work and a change, their life can be better.
So how does one maintain some hope and optimism during such a painful and complicated transition? Here are four strategies that help.
1. Take stock- Look at what areas of your life are going well and where you feel capable. Your relationship was only one area of your life.
2. Try to find a balanced viewpoint- You may feel extremely sad in the short term but feel relieved not face the marital struggles in the long term.
3. Look for a neutral explanation- Blaming oneself or former partner can leave you feeling bitter and angry. Sometimes people do grow apart, are not a fit or want different things.
4. Figure out if there is something to learn- With curiosity and compassion, ask yourself; what do you want to be different next time? Perhaps your partner had different views on fidelity, did not share your values, or had a different approach to careers. If you can figure out what would work better in the future, then the divorce becomes a learning experience. Learning experiences can be challenging, but are valuable.